Illusion or Truth?
by jes004
Summary: A one parter. Syd wonders if her mother really loved her


Title: Illusion or Truth?  
  
Disclaimer: The characters all belong to JJ Abrams and the good folks at ABC.  
  
Acknowledgement: from the episode was based on the scripts archived at Efanguide.  
  
.........................  
  
Sydney sat in the car next to her father. What she had to tell him was going to be difficult. When it came to conversations about her mother, her father was positively volatile. "Dad, I'm going to find her. I have to."  
  
"Searching for that woman will accomplish nothing! No good can come from it," Jack responded angrily.  
  
"I need to know where she is."  
  
"Sydney, we don't know if she's still alive."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Even if she is, it doesn't change what she did."  
  
"Dad, I know!"  
  
"Do you expect her just to say 'I'm sorry'?"  
  
"I don't know what to expect!"  
  
"Well, you better know exactly what to expect!" Jack paused, taking a deep breath. "What could she ever say.that would satisfy you?"  
  
Sydney looked at the man she thought she knew and her heart ached. She knew that her mother's betrayal had deeply hurt him, but it hadn't been real to her until that moment. Their conversation haunted her the rest of the day. She tried to sleep, but the image of her father would not leave her. Finally, she called the only person she thought might understand.  
  
"Thanks for meeting me here, Vaughn. I know it's late." They sat across from each other, the dim lighting of the warehouse casting an eerie glow.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong, Syd?"  
  
"I had a conversation with my father today."  
  
"You mean an argument, don't you?"  
  
"Not exactly. We were talking about my mother."  
  
Vaughn took a deep breath. "You want to find her, don't you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And he doesn't want you to?"  
  
"Yes. I mean no, he doesn't. My father has a lot of strong feelings about my mother and I think they are clouding his thinking." She stood, crossing her arms against her chest, and walked over to the fencing that surrounded their makeshift room. "My father had to be away a lot when I was little, so he tried to make it up by doing special things as a family. One time we went horseback riding and stopped for a picnic on the way. It was cold and the ground was hard. My mother laughed and we all snuggled together on the blanket. My parents were like that. Laughing together. Holding hands. I always thought that I wanted to have the same kind of marriage someday."  
  
"Sydney, I'm not sure."  
  
"No, Vaughn, let me finish." She took a deep breath and continued. "I have this memory of my father. I was maybe five-years old. We were camping with my mother. I broke my leg. And he picked me up and carried me back miles to the car. I remember thinking he was the strongest man in the world. That camping trip, it was one of my special memories." Sydney ran an agitated hand through her hair. "I remember how happy we all were and how safe and loved I felt."  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Jack opened the front door quietly, placing his briefcase by the hall table and listened. From the den, he heard a squeal of childish laughter. He smiled. The sound of Sydney watching one of her favorite afternoon cartoons was one of the memories he carried with him whenever he had to be away from his family.  
  
It was the one part of his job he liked least. He thought his assignment to Project Christmas would keep him home more, but it seemed like they were calling him away more and more frequently. This last trip was scheduled to be three weeks, but he'd pushed the work through and managed to complete it in two.  
  
A loud bang and a soft curse drew his attention to the kitchen. He laughed softly, knowing that Laura must have been searching for something on one of the upper shelves. The stepping stool they'd purchase was undoubtedly still sitting in the corner gathering dust.  
  
"Daddy!" Jack turned just in time to catch the five year old as she hurled into him. "You're home. Mommy, mommy, look Daddy's home."  
  
"Well, so much for sneaking up on your mother and surprising her."  
  
Sydney held her hand's up and he easily drew her into his arms. "Mommy doesn't like surprises, Daddy."  
  
"This one I do, sweetheart." Laura came out of the kitchen and put her arms around her husband. "You're back early?"  
  
"I missed you, so I hurried things along a bit. There is one part of the research I have to complete, but you and Sydney can come along."  
  
"Oh goodie. I get to help you search, Daddy?"  
  
"How would you like to go camping with mommy and daddy, Sydney?"  
  
Sydney clapped her hands in delight. "Camping. Yeah!"  
  
"Jack," Laura looked at him in horror. "You are not serious?"  
  
"C'mon, Laura, you like camping. We used to do it all the time."  
  
"That's right, Jack. And there's a reason why we haven't been since the little pitcher turned three. Remember the last time? I was hoping we would be able to spend some time together - alone."  
  
"It's only two nights, honey. Besides, I've bought a new tent. Two rooms."  
  
"You know she won't sleep by herself, Jack."  
  
"We can move her after she falls asleep. It will be fine, you'll see."  
  
"See what, Daddy?"  
  
"See how much fun we'll have." He gave Sydney a kiss on the forehead and put her down. "I'm going to change. You want to go out for dinner?"  
  
Laura looked pointedly at the meal simmering on the stove. Jack laughed. "Okay, I get the picture."  
  
By Friday, Jack had gathered all the necessary supplies, his excited daughter, and somewhat reluctant wife.  
  
They parked the car at the campsite base and hiked up to a site near a cool mountain stream. Jack held his wife close as they watched Sydney splash around in a shallow area.  
  
"So what's the research, Jack?"  
  
"I'm going to teach Sydney how to fish."  
  
"Fishing? That's your research?"  
  
Jack smiled and leaned over to kiss her. "I lied. I just wanted to go camping. With you. With our daughter. You know, family time."  
  
"Daddy, look at me. Watch me jump."  
  
"Sydney, don't jump." Jack watched his daughter slip from the log and get tangled in the branches. Heart pounding, he pulled her from the water. She was shivering uncontrollably. "I think she's in shock."  
  
"Jack, look at her leg." Laura stood next to him. "We'll need to get her to a doctor."  
  
Jack carried back down the mountain, Laura following close behind. By the time they were halfway down, Sydney began to whimper. They rushed her to the nearest hospital.  
  
(End flashback)  
  
"When they brought me out of surgery, the doctors decided to keep me overnight for observation. My parents stayed in the room with me. I remember seeing my mother asleep in Dad's arms." Sydney's voice broke. "There was so much love in that room. Love between my parents and love for me. I've carried that memory around for twenty years. I always thought that if my mother had lived how much different my life would have been."  
  
"When my mother died, it was like all the laughter went with her. I cried myself to sleep for months. Not my dad, though. I don't remember him crying. I guess that's why I always thought of my father as a strong person, both physically and emotionally. Seeing him there in the car, looking so damaged.I've never seen him like that. The idea that I want to find my mother.it scares him.  
  
Vaughn sighed. "Well, I don't exactly have a neutral point of view on the subject of your mother, but your father's got a point."  
  
"I know, and maybe I'm being reckless or selfish . or masochistic but if my mother is alive, then I just have to know that. She turned away from him. "Dad doesn't understand why I need to find her. I have to find her. I have to know."  
  
"Know what, Sydney?" Vaughn moved to her side and put a hand on her shoulder, turning her back toward him.  
  
"I have to know if her she ever loved me or my father or was it all an illusion, an elaborate masquerade to fool my father. I need to know if there was some truth in what I felt when she tucked me in at night or when she held me in her arms. I need to know if any of it was as real for her as it was for me and my father."  
  
"What happens if you find out it was all a lie?"  
  
Sydney bit her lip and looked at the floor. "Then at least I'll know the truth" 


End file.
